"I Think I'll Fall Apart Today"....something for everyone

So I had to move back in with my parents this weekend because my sublease was up and my house isn't ready yet, which is good and bad, but in the process of cleaning out I found this short poem I wrote one of the weekends I came home to watch the dog while my parents were away.  I can't remember the exact weekend - damned memory - but I do remember it was a day I was so emotional and felt so guilty for feeling that way...then I realized that I'm allowed to throw a pity party for myself every now and then.  As are all of you.

I'm 26 for god sakes and going through a bunch of stuff people don't understand.  Even though I do get upset sometimes my parents think I'm in a deep depression just when I'm exhausted all the time and want to stay in bed and watch tv....I'm freakin tired, not in a major depression.  Sure I'm depressed, but my lifes not over because I don't want to go to the mall and would rather spend a weekend day in bed saving my energy.  Yes their my parents and "someday *fingers crossed* I will understand" - plus this whole sickness has put them through hell so I understand their concerns...anyway - I digress.  Many of you may have heard the blog "The Spoon Theory" by Christine Miserandino on  http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/.  More of the lupus folks may have heard it, but it really makes sense for every one of the diseases that us with chronic illnesses have and what we have to live with every day.  It's different for each and every one of us but its so amazing so please please read it....it may be a great way for you to share with your families what you have to go through every day!

In any case, so I found this "poem" I guess you could call it...more of just thoughts...I do a lot of writing.  But I could tell from re-reading it I was upset and then just decided I was going to let myself fall apart and that was ok.  Just like its ok for all of you to just completely fall apart sometimes...alone...around family, friends, significant others....whatever.  It's ok to just completely surrender to our feelings sometimes.  We can wake up tomorrow and be "strong", but sometimes we need it to put it all in perspective...so here's to those days:

I think I'll fall apart today
Tomorrow I'll pull myself together
After a little sleep
After a little rest
But tonight I'll cry til I have no more tears
I'll scream if I have to
I'll completely break down

Tomorrow I can be responsible
Tomorrow I can suck it up
Tomorrow I can realize it's not the end of the world
Tomorrow I can realize how much I have to be grateful for

But I think I'll fall apart today
Just let go and give in to my feelings
Think I'll fall apart today
Just stay in bed and cry

Tomorrow I'll be strong
And I'll remember how to get along
But I think I'll fall apart today....alone.