May the Best of Your Todays Be the Worst of Your Tomorrows....

So, I have to admit - when I finally wrote the post about my diagnosis - I didn't think it would turn out like this.  I thought I'd get overwhelmed...I thought I'd be down...but I'm in a good mood, so I'm glad I'm writing it now.

Ok so to start - I must say...I love me some Jay-Z...well I love every type of music ever created...just depends on my mood. Music is so awesome - can lift your mood, calm you down, make you have fun - and change your thinking.  Except, sorry, I don't really care for the screamo stuff my brother listens to because honestly it freaks me out (no offense to those who like it!!).  Sooo anyway, the whole point of that is I was up at 4 am again this morning (this whole not being able to sleep thing is really annoying) and saw the video for Jay-Z's Young Forever - and he starts with the quote that's the title of this post.  How awesome is that quote?  For the best things that happen today be the worst tomorrow...how wonderful :)

So I also must admit...today I felt a little better than I have been.  I know what I have for sure now (which I'll talk about in a bit) but even though it's kinda scary...I know...and I can't control what happens to me all the time...but I still control me and what I do about it and how I feel about it.  I just spent the day with my mom - and it's the best day I've had in a really long time.  We have always been the best of friends but we really connected about a lot of the things I've kept inside so she wouldn't worry and realized that she's gone through some of these things too.  Basically, we've known for a while that she has Interstitial Cystitis, but where my symptoms are mostly extreme pain...hers are more frequency.  I also believe she has mild fibromyalgia and since she has Bells Palsy, she already has a history of neuralgia.  We went to the most beautiful little Health and Nature store and I got a few essential oils and fun little natural things.  Then we made a few little massage oils and bath drops with some champagne and my dad grilled for dinner and it was the first time my mom, dad, brother and I (just the 4 of us) had a whole dinner together in forever.  It was so great.

Today gave me hope that I'll have more great days...and my attitude and the people I love have a lot to do with it.  So the last post stated my so/so appointment with the pain doctor.  After which I finally got the results to my tests and had some procedures run, symptoms recorded, physical tests and was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) - not going to go into all of the symptoms and problems it creates/has created in this post, but eventually.  So, anyway, its a double edge sword - finally getting a diagnosis.  I went through this before with each of my surgeries and especially the IC (which I knew had no "cure" as these don't either)...so it wasn't quite as shocking...especially since I had a suspicion already.  I really didn't think about it for a while and just focused on other things.  My doctor is really hopeful about this outpatient rehab program that the pain doctor recommended me for and my first visit is in a few weeks and will last at least 6 hours the first day.  It's a little bit of everything and gives me hope that I can at least try something.  I told my Pelvic Floor Therapist at my last appointment for a while this past week and she agreed that it sounded great.

In any case, there's up and down days...days with tremendous stiffness and weakness, days where my skin can't even be touched by my hair let alone wear clothing, days where my joints hurt, days when I can't get out of bed and even the thought of going to pee makes me tired, and days where - although it hurts- I can still have a great day...and those are the days that are filled with love...of friends, family, my boyfriend - those are the good days.  So I may not be happy every day....but I'm happy today.  And like my mom said to me today...this has happend to me for a reason.  A) I can handle it...I'm strong; and B) because it was meant to happen to me...there's always a reason and whatever that is...I will find out :)  I won't let this consume me...even if I'm in pain for the rest of my life (although, knock on wood I do hope that's not the case :) )
...it could ALWAYS be worse...and I can still have happy, wonderful days like today...and I will live for those - and know I'm really lucky.