A new one to add to the list...I have lupus

Well, as I mentioned in my last post, I finally had my Rheumatologist visit 2 weeks ago.  Of course I had everything ready to go the night before - I keep these packets on hand with all my current meds, all my past meds, all my current/past treatments, all my doctors, family history, diagnoses, surgeries/procedures and symptoms.  From my experience Doctors LOVE it because I just highlight each section title and bullet point everything - its really easy for them to read and they get a better idea of the whole picture - especially things ive tried and they havent worked....so they can see how long and painful the struggle has been.  So of course I forgot this packet and all of my recent CT/Ultrasounds, etc.! I started freaking out because lately my memory has been so aweful I knew I couldn't recreate everything that was on that list and I knew I waited 5 months for this!  So in any case I did my best to draft it down while I waited, but she did the physical exam as well as listen to all of my symptoms etc.

She definitely agreed with the Fibromyalgia diagnosis and the CFS, but also thought I may have some arthritis and wanted to redo some blood tests as well as order some new ones, and get an Xray of my pelvis for arthritis in my SI region.  Well this was a Wednesday so she told me to call her the following Friday to discuss.  So after that loonnngg week and a half I called - go no response - called again, still nothing and finally left an after hour message - nada.  I was already soooo nervous (even though i really thought that just maybe she may find a little arthritis but that's it because I'd already had most of the big tests) - now I had to wait out the weekend.  Well Sunday night, I was outside and came in and had a message from her saying she was so  sorry she didn't get back to me and most of the tests weren't very concerning but there was one she wanted to talk to me about but she wouldn't be in until Tuesday - ugh...first when do doctors call with results at 7:30 on a Sunday night??? Second...two more days of torture!!

So I called yesterday even though she promised to call to make sure she had all of my numbers....then 5:30 rolled around and I thought - again??!?!!  Just then the phone rang and it was her. So of course I'm expecting to hear about the x-ray which I already know I have SI dysfunction and arthritis in my knee and a bit in my jaw so that wouldn't suprise me when she went straight to the ANA IFA test.  For those of you who don't know...the ANA blood test is a test for autoimmune diseases - the anti-nuclear antibody test by indirect immunofluorescent assay - some fancy words for a specific way of looking for autoimmune disease markers.  I had one done in March - just a plain titer and it was a little elevated but within normal limits, but apparently the IFA is the better version of the test.  Well this time it turned up positive.  It was in what she considered the middle of the results....not extremely high but definitely high and positive.

So what does this mean? My doctors and family have thought for some time now that I may have an auto immune disease because of all the different organs that have been affected and how many surgeries i've had and things I have been diagnosed with.  Just - after it came back last time - I was relieved.  Everything I have really sucks and is painful...but it's never going to hurt me or kill me.  I just have good days and bad days.  But now all of a sudden - not that it will happen, but things that have already been affected by previous surgeries/conditions like my heart, liver and kidneys are at risk...my organs are at risk.  A lot of people with lupus live a full life, but when their time comes, pass on from complications of lupus. Well Crap...crap crap crap.

On the plus side, she thinks its on the early side of things and everything is just being made to feel worse because of my Fibro and IC flaring.  She's starting me right away on an anti-malarial drug, when started early on with a lot of young women can bring the lupus to a slow progression and save any attacks on the organs themselves so I'm very happy to know this.

So now, I let my regular doctor know and told her what the Rheumatologist said and the medication she put me on and now in 2 weeks my doctor blocked a chunk of time to meet with me and talk about the diagnoses and my current medication list which is fairly expensive.  All I know is what keeps me able to work is the Soma 3xday and the Norco 3xday ( which I usually cut in half and spread out).  I actually went off most of my pain meds for almost a week last week to see what my real symptoms felt like (as I was working from home) and didnt realize just how much joint pain I had.  I also realized there's no way on earth I'd be able to work if I didn't have my meds.  I was in so much pain, was so stiff I couldn't get up and by afternoon was horrendous and absolutely couldn't sleep.

I am so nervous now that shes going to want to change these meds so now I've got 2 weeks to worry about that on top of everything else.  The savella has started to help with more of my pain in the extremities and the Celexa (only 10 mg at night) helps me sleep and level out my mood.  I'm decreasing the tramadol and only use the valium after sex now.  So I really am reducing these on my own.  I will just definitely have to see a specialist about medications if she doesn't want to prescribe them anymore...I Cant not work.  I also can't sit around or lay in bed all day in pain.  That may not even be what she wants to discuss, just so freaked out right now in general I guess.

So anyways, I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed....I've just always kind of expected the diagnoses I've gotten in the past and this one hit me like a ton of bricks.  I've got to do some more research about it in general as I haven't told anyone but my doctor yet - like my family and boyfriend need one more thing to worry about.  Anyway, sorry if I'm more Debbie downer today, but wanted to let you know how it went.

Trying to stay positive and knowledge is power so I'll feel more in control when I know and understand a bit more :)  Have wonderful weeks everyone!

And so it goes...

Well - I had planned to keep a more intimate and daily log of activities of the program, but I guess that was a bit ambitious considering all the work that went into it, family commitments, regular work, relationship stuff, etc.  Plus being just plain old exhausted by the time I got home and coming back to work was/is no different.  I officially "graduated" last Friday and only have some follow up and regular Dr. visits now.  It was bitter sweet...I really had grown accustomed to being there and following the program and the people and coming back to work while trying to get my house painted and prepared for me just is a little overwhelming.  I plan to spend a post really going through the aspects of the program and how beneficial it was for me.  I wish everyone had access to a program like this, but as I found out, I was one of the few working individuals - most were on some form of workers comp or disability as is common with chronic pain (and something I may end up dealing with in the future) so payments are less for these sorts of programs making them hard to stay afloat.  In any case, look out for that post as it will probably be long and layout some great strategies and suggestions for everyone around relaxation, some psychological aspects, stretching, pacing (taking breaks), putting yourself first, strengthening, knowing your boundaries, etc.  The intensity of the daily program overwhelmed me at first but now I finding it jumping into my mind frequently to "remember to do this and do that" and keep my proper body mechanics when lifting, moving sitting - something you wouldn't gain from an hourly weekly session.  I was truly blessed I had such amazing folks - both patients and staff - to get me through this.

I have my first new Rheumy appointment tomorrow and I'm actually really nervous.  Until now, I've been dealing with my PCP, pain specialists, physiatrists, my ob-gyn, and other doctors that don't really specialize in the stuff so we'll see how this goes.  I was really hoping to see her before I did the program, but I guess now she can evaluate me on where I am instead of where I was - which is in better physical shape, a stronger and more positive attitude towards the illnesses themselves (not that I don't have down days, believe me - especially since I've been going through a bout with a minor CFIDS flare going on 2 weeks now...) but I have a better understanding of things I can do to help myself.  In all the program really gave me more confidence and a sense of control and acceptence.  Those are 2 things that are really rare to feel in chronic pain patience and I am so thankful that I've gained that - because although feeling helpless at times still comes and goes - I have to control my life...not anyone else and certainly not a multitude of illnesses.  I'm the only one that stands between depression and happiness...there's still work I need to do on getting there, but knowledge is power, and acceptence of the hand I've been dealt is leading me to take control of my life again.  And thank goodness for that - or we just start spiraling downward and I'm far to young for that :)

So in any case I'm excited and nervous all at the same time about the Rheumatologist appointment.  I have more knowledge about my body now, and am on some new meds including the Savella and Lidocaine patches for my SI dysfunction, but I'm having some other difficulties and stressors in my life that have things flared up and I've just heard that "nothing I can do" phrase so many times I guess its what I come to expect.  With these types of illnesses, I've found it's more on me - to read the signs, to try to prevent them from at least getting worse if they've already started.  I really don't know that there's anything else she can do for me.  The only thing that's really been bothering me (other than this darn CFIDS flu headache and this is just me whining because I've had it for 2 weeks and nothing helps, lol) is my memory/mind/head.  All the things they say about the fog - memory loss, word loss - at a young age I have accomplished many things and was always the top of the class in secondary school, college and graduate school - but I've never felt more stupid in my life - and it affects everything, from getting me incredibly frustrated at home, to slowing my progress at work because I can't concentrate, get exhausted, forget things, can't complete anything - so I've read some studies about Adderall and there's a newer one, Vyvanse that can not only hope with the focusing and staying awake but can actually help some fibro patients with pain  - so maybe she'll have some insight into at least that aspect of things.  Not that I want to start another med, but I've been decreasing so many of them and this one would help an important part of my life that I need to keep up on - work.  My pain management doctor said that it was one of the most important things - to keep on working because his patients that dont usually fall into a deep depression and withdrawl when they don't have a purpose every day.  I even notice it in myself when I work from home...I do my work but I dont feel like doing anything...crawl into bed and be alone and end up feeling depressed and like crap.  I don't want to live like that.

Well in any case, look out for the overview of the program as well as my experience with the Rheumy.  I hope you all are doing well and able to deal with your pain as we go through some weather changes.  I know that can be rough.  It was so comforting for the last 2 months to be around people who understood what I'm going through...and didn't judge me that just because I may look like a cute, fit and fine 26 year old girl to some of the older folks that were there - so why the heck would I be here...it can't be that bad right? - that they actually understood me and I made some friends for life - that's the best part.  No question in their minds that I deserved to be there because they  understood.  And so do all of you.  I hope you all take comfort in the fact that I really do understand aspects of this...and so do others...you have friends out there and here that literally feel your pain...please keep your chin up and take care of yourselves!

3 weeks to go....and I'm venting

Hey everyone....I've been a little crazy between the program and trying to do what I can for work.  Also, some big things with my little bro as I mentioned last time, he turned 18, graduated - AND proposed to his girlfriend of 3 years a week ago so it's just been nuts!

So I technically have 3 weeks of the program left, although it's not full time anymore because of the limited amount of PT visits I have.  I'm starting to get anxious about life after the program.  I think I looked at it as completely life-changing, which it has been, don't get me wrong - I've learned so much and feel that I've gained the acceptance I've needed....but even doing part-time work today I got scared of going back to my old life.  My relationship's on the rocks, I'm still in a lot of pain on and off (everything is flaring right now - I'm in a CFIDS flare, which led to a fibro flare - mostly the skin pain kind, and now a vulvodynia/vulvar vestibulitis flare, hemerrhoid flare, IBS, migraines, IC like crazy - EVERYTHING!) and the Savella still makes me a little naseous although I DO believe it's helping.

So as far as the Vulvar pain I'm *fingers crossed* getting an epidural in my pudendal nerve to see if that stops the pain.  I still get confused on how all of this myofascial pain works with the trigger points because sometimes I'll use the thera cane and massage and hit a spot on my butt that hurts in my vulva...it's just all so strange....sometimes I feel like this isn't my body. 

Anyway, sorry this more a venting post than a progress report because I'm just so exhausted both physically and mentally and emotionally and know that I'm depressed and it's a little difficult to deal with it all.  We all have those times and I'm still just trying to stay positive.  All that I've learned in the program has really helped me be able to cope and I'll have that with me forever.  The ways to deal with not only chronic pain, but the way people see me, how hard I am on myself, feeling depressed....every aspect of my life.  Sometimes you just need to vent.  If anyone reading this needs to vent feel free to comment or email me....sometimes it just makes you feel so good to get it off your chest.  Just admitting - even if it's on the computer that I know my pain, my relationship problems, my fear of going back to my "old life" and guilt I feel with my family right now - all of it is making me feel really depressed...and I'm ok with that because I know everyone is entitled to a slump...I also know I'll get out of it. Just one of those days....

Wishing all of you as many decreased pain days as possible and you have the right to have a pity party with yourself sometimes - don't feel guilty about it!  Just remember, that there's still so much out there that we can do and pull ourselves out of it..and we will :)

30 days to the new old me...

So, I haven't been on in a while and soo much has been going on. I promised I'd write about this chronic pain rehabilitation program when I knew more - and although I don't know everything, I have been accepted and begin treatment tomorrow!  I was really unsure at first but this program is 4-6 weeks, about 7 hours a day (so I had to take medical leave from work) and it's all encompassing.  There is a lot of physical therapy, a nutritionist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, a biofeedback specialist, nurses, a nutritionist (which is major important with my vulvodynia, IC and Ulcer diets all conflicting!!!) doctors, etc.  They meet and discuss the case as a team and work together to get me to feeling better!

I originally had the consultation/evaluation and had to do a bunch of written work and questionnaires.  Then I had my physical therapy evaluation where I found out I have a lot more problems than I thought! I have tennis elbow, golfers elbow, an SI problem, a tilted pelvis, knee problems, scapular problems, severe neck and shoulder problems, etc.  I also have a huge muscle tension problem and myofascial pain syndrome.  So - the good news is they can treat all of these things!  Through the intensive PT - I'll be able to reduce my pain; through the biofeedback I'll learn relaxation techniques, the correct breathing methods and ways to bring my tension down; through the counseling I'll learn how to cope - and there is a huge success rate!

So in any case, the first 2 weeks are the most intensive and will most likely cause the most pain - so I don't know that I'll write every day - but I really plan to relay the progress as much as possible.  This comprehensive program is so exciting and I am so hopeful that it will help me - and eventually help others.  I'll never be the old me again...and I'll never be a whole new cured person....but once I reduce my pain and learn how to deal with it better...I'll be the new old me.

Headache and Achey Body/Skin Help!

* Note - please speak with your doctor before trying ANY new treatment - even as natural as essential oils as some of them may interact with medications or be too strong for your condition or skin and cause problems.  Also be sure to educate yourselves of the combinations and types that you may choose to purchase.

So I know I owe a little more of an explaination about the pain rehab clinic I am being evaluated for, but I figured I'd wait until I'm actually evaluated so I can tell what's really going on.  I just can't believe it's already coming up the end of the week.  I feel like I have so much prep to do as far as making sure I have a complete list of EVERYTHING that has to do with my problems.

And as I'm sure you can see - I did it - officially changed the name of the blog to Chronic Pain Won't Win...because now, it's just everywhere!

Anywho, I know you can tell from my last post I'm really trying to keep positive about everything.  So lately I've been trying to take some healing into my own hands and keep that positive energy flowing. I know that's part of my upcoming treatment as well. My physical therapist for my pfd gave me some stretches to try and said some gentle yoga could help.  My problem is (and it's partieally fear because of what I know) that with Fibro - you should get up and move to keep going so you don't get stiff.  But with CFIDS, if you do even an ounce too much on the wrong day, you could be in bed all day the next day.  I'm losing muscle tone yet I'm nervous of what to do.  In any case, if I get into this program hopefully I'll get a little more direction.

In any case, I'm sure those of you with any of these diseases can relate - but there are days when I wake up that I can't move, or the pain wakes me up and I almost yell in pain.  Then there's just days where my skin hurts so bad I can't even where clothes.  Then headaches that just won't go away....Those are the days I can't go in to work, because obviously if I can't wear a shirt I can't be in the office.  Luckily I can work from home, but I'm hoping my boss and others don't get too upset about me doing this.  I don't know.  Once I get things figured out with this program, I'll know more about what I can and can't do.

So, that day I spent with my mom we went to a nature/organic health type store.  I've been reading a lot about things you can do like biofeedback (mentally training yourself to do things like calm down, visualize, etc.), essential oils, yoga, etc.

So now to the title of the post.  I've really found some help this past week - it's been a rough one.  First and foremost - the headaches that are so pain ful - sometimes I will take excedrine for the pain - sometimes when its turning into a migraine I either use migraine medicine or pain meds.  But lately I've gotten lavender.  I massage it on my temples and right under my nose right when the headaches start and it starts to go away.  So if I can prevent it then I don't even need any medicine!

Also - my joints and muscles and skin have been painful - so I made my own massage oil.  I have made 2 different ones so far - and I'm not sure which is working better.  The recipe for the latest one I made is a quarter cup of Jojoba oil (as a carrier oil), 1 drop of rose, 6 drops of petigrain, 5 drops of sweet marjoram and 3 drops of frankincense.  There are so many different recipes to try though for so many different things!  I've been breaking out in painful acne on my face and shoulders lately - obviously it hurts so much worse than it used to and putting either lavender or eucalyptus on it has stopped the pain right away....the lavender has a tendency to dry so it gets rid of them quickly but I try not to use too much.

So, you may see me posting some recipes on here....since I'm sensitive to so many things, I'd love to try my hand at making my own lotion and mists and things like that too.  I know there is a spray you can spray your face with to give you a boost while driving or in the afternoon - which I usually need since I get so little sleep most of the time.  Anyway, that's my latest attempt to take my pain into my own hands and hopefully it will continue to help - or at least continue giving myself some positive thinking and a way to take my mind off of things.

I just found out today that my little brother (and my little, I mean 17 years old, 6'1", and 185 lbs (of muslce - he works in a gym) - BUT 8 years younger than me :) ) has Scheuermann’s disease.  Originally we just thought he pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve while lifting, but after several weeks of pain, with nothing making it better- even after PT - he finally got an MRI and initially they thought it was a bulging disc pushing on his spinal cord which was causing nerve pain - then they looked closer and saw it was more than just that and he has this disease.  I don't know much about it yet, except it doesn't sound good and eventually he will probably have to have surgery.  I'm going to do some research, but he gets his first Epidural on Monday so I'm hoping it takes him out of the pain.  I'd give anything for it to be me...he's about to be 18, graduate in a month and a half - have his senior prom and start college - I don't want him dealing with this or going through surgeries and problems like I had to in college.  He's really strong and a great kid (or guy - sorry can't help it) though so I think he'll be ok.  I really feel bad for my parents because I know this is soo hard on them.  They already had to worry about me and now him...so my goal is to be at my best around them...I can't lie because I'm an aweful liar - can see it on my face....but just be at my best.

Alrighty well I'll keep you posted on the program and hope you all have a wonderful and pain free (or a few notches less at least) day!

May the Best of Your Todays Be the Worst of Your Tomorrows....

So, I have to admit - when I finally wrote the post about my diagnosis - I didn't think it would turn out like this.  I thought I'd get overwhelmed...I thought I'd be down...but I'm in a good mood, so I'm glad I'm writing it now.

Ok so to start - I must say...I love me some Jay-Z...well I love every type of music ever created...just depends on my mood. Music is so awesome - can lift your mood, calm you down, make you have fun - and change your thinking.  Except, sorry, I don't really care for the screamo stuff my brother listens to because honestly it freaks me out (no offense to those who like it!!).  Sooo anyway, the whole point of that is I was up at 4 am again this morning (this whole not being able to sleep thing is really annoying) and saw the video for Jay-Z's Young Forever - and he starts with the quote that's the title of this post.  How awesome is that quote?  For the best things that happen today be the worst tomorrow...how wonderful :)

So I also must admit...today I felt a little better than I have been.  I know what I have for sure now (which I'll talk about in a bit) but even though it's kinda scary...I know...and I can't control what happens to me all the time...but I still control me and what I do about it and how I feel about it.  I just spent the day with my mom - and it's the best day I've had in a really long time.  We have always been the best of friends but we really connected about a lot of the things I've kept inside so she wouldn't worry and realized that she's gone through some of these things too.  Basically, we've known for a while that she has Interstitial Cystitis, but where my symptoms are mostly extreme pain...hers are more frequency.  I also believe she has mild fibromyalgia and since she has Bells Palsy, she already has a history of neuralgia.  We went to the most beautiful little Health and Nature store and I got a few essential oils and fun little natural things.  Then we made a few little massage oils and bath drops with some champagne and my dad grilled for dinner and it was the first time my mom, dad, brother and I (just the 4 of us) had a whole dinner together in forever.  It was so great.

Today gave me hope that I'll have more great days...and my attitude and the people I love have a lot to do with it.  So the last post stated my so/so appointment with the pain doctor.  After which I finally got the results to my tests and had some procedures run, symptoms recorded, physical tests and was officially diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) - not going to go into all of the symptoms and problems it creates/has created in this post, but eventually.  So, anyway, its a double edge sword - finally getting a diagnosis.  I went through this before with each of my surgeries and especially the IC (which I knew had no "cure" as these don't either)...so it wasn't quite as shocking...especially since I had a suspicion already.  I really didn't think about it for a while and just focused on other things.  My doctor is really hopeful about this outpatient rehab program that the pain doctor recommended me for and my first visit is in a few weeks and will last at least 6 hours the first day.  It's a little bit of everything and gives me hope that I can at least try something.  I told my Pelvic Floor Therapist at my last appointment for a while this past week and she agreed that it sounded great.

In any case, there's up and down days...days with tremendous stiffness and weakness, days where my skin can't even be touched by my hair let alone wear clothing, days where my joints hurt, days when I can't get out of bed and even the thought of going to pee makes me tired, and days where - although it hurts- I can still have a great day...and those are the days that are filled with love...of friends, family, my boyfriend - those are the good days.  So I may not be happy every day....but I'm happy today.  And like my mom said to me today...this has happend to me for a reason.  A) I can handle it...I'm strong; and B) because it was meant to happen to me...there's always a reason and whatever that is...I will find out :)  I won't let this consume me...even if I'm in pain for the rest of my life (although, knock on wood I do hope that's not the case :) )
...it could ALWAYS be worse...and I can still have happy, wonderful days like today...and I will live for those - and know I'm really lucky.

When it rains, it pours.....and I think I'm drowning.

So, it looks like the name of my blog will soon be changed to just Chronic Pain...maybe  "Guess the disease or condition???".  So many of us go through this when trying to be diagnosed with whatever it is we have...which may be more than one thing.  Currently, I've felt like I've been getting worse and worse and every time there's a glimpse of feeling better - something else happens.  I've been really sick since January...first was a cold, that turned into a sinus infection so went on Augmentin which doesn't like my bladder but I stuck through it.  Things got a little better but stayed exhausted and sinuses hurt and the headaches were bad.  Then my WBC's were through the roof and I had every indiciation of a uti - probably kidney infection - went on Levaquin...didn't get better.  Then had TONS to do at work and just wore myself down...so I knew when the last proposal was in I needed to go back to the doctor...extremem flank pain, my urethra HATED me...pelvic pain, blood in the urine, fevers the works!  So she said the WBC's were extremely high - put me on Macrobid & tramadol and told me to call back for the culture.  When I called back they said mixed flora - so not really a high indicator of infection but I was in so much pain it was work to get out of bed and EVERYTHING hurt sooo bad...especially that darn right kidney!

When I was at my urologist I broke down - which I don't usually do - but the pain and exhaustion was consuming me...even with the pain meds I was on.  This is when she called the director of the pain clinic and he recommended Tramadol and a visit to see him soon.  So I finally gave in and scheduled a pain management appointment.  My PCP is against them as she gives me everything I could need...but they don't prescribe medicine, just recommend it and do trigger point therapy etc.  Since I have so many problems with Ulcers, my Liver, nausea and  IC, etc.  it's going to take someone who knows what they're talking about and since he's the Director and has been on TV a lot (not that that means anything) I'm feeling good about it....and then he'll just recommend things to my PCP so her and I can manage it.  I'm in soooo much pain but I'm very scared about becoming tolerant at my age (26) too soon.  I was born tolerant and never responded to things like Tylenol 3 or 1 regular Vicodin.  I just need something to have down the road...and don't want it to be too devastating when i get off meds when/if *fingers crossed* I get pregnant.  Anywho, my urologists exact words to the pain specialist was "she's a really good girl and i've been seeing her a while and well, she's just spiraling down hill really fast and I hate to see her like this...this is bigger than IC - it's everywhere".  Greeeattt.

Anyway, the tramadol was awesome for the all over pain.  But not for my really bad pelvic and lower back pain.  So anyway,  my "sinus infection" got way worse and i was living with migraines everyday....excruciating body pain...insomnia...and crazy fatigue.  It's affecting life, my job, my ability to work on my house, my family, my boyfriend, my sanity - everything!  So anyways went back and was treated again for a sinus infection with Augmentin and once I didn't get better I went back...my nasal cavities were swollen and bloody and the headaches excrutiating.  She gave me a Kenalog shot on the spot and is 90% sure I have fibromyalgia as every trigger point sent me threw the roof.  So, she set up a series of every virus and autoimmune disease and lyme, etc. she could think of.  Meanwhile, I threw my hip out, my great aunt passed away - and I decided to be a genious and get a shiatsu massage chair.  IT felt soooo good but the next day (around 4 am) I woke up at 4 am and was in sooo much pain.  I swore if I looked in the mirror my entire back would be bruised.  Only part of it was but it was so bad I had to take my shirts off and couldn't even have my hair touch my back.  so it was working from home half naked all day and I could finally wear clothes 2 days later.  I couldn't get the blood work right away because of the steroid shot, but I got it last Thursday so I had to wait out the weekend.  Needless to say I had a 6 hour panic attack Sunday night.  Not horrendous but felt like I was crawling out of my skin, chest was tight, uncomfortable and couldn't calm down.  After about 3-4 hours I realized what was going on and took some valium and melatonin to sleep (I have been sleeping only 2-4 hours a night for almost 3 weeks now until i started the melatonin).  Still on and off, but anyways.

So it was really strange....my doctor's nurse called and said the only thing that showed up in my blood work was chronic fatigue.  But there isn't a test for chronic fatigue and I tried to ask her a bunch of questions but she didn't want to talk about it until I meet with the doc. to explain it next Tuesday grrrrrrrr.  So my guess is I do have Fibromyalgia and potentially Chronic Fatigue Syndrome...but at least I have answers.  I'm slightly discouraged as I've tried Gabapentin and Lyrica and both didn't work.  She started me on Celexa so I'm hoping it works a little....the amitryptiline made me feel like I was drunk until 1 pm!!!  In the meantime I haven't been using the Clobesatol ointment on my vulva so that spiked up again grrr...but my friend Alex has been very helpful at keeping me sane.  I can't wait til I figure out what this is so I can make a case study on her site (listed on the right - Vulvar Vestibulitis Relief).

So, anyway - I picked up all my radiology work to take to the pain specialist friday and found out i have "multiple stones" in my left kidney - here I thought I passed the only one i had!!!!! So they're deep in there but makes me nervous that there's more. 

I guess the moral is it just feels like one thing after another and I'm sooooo exhausted all the time...then I get really hot and feel like I'm going to pass out even when I do the smallest things!!!  I'm glad I'll have a "diagnosis" and can work on what to do from there...but I'm not looking forward to this pain...it's a scary thing, but it could always be worse.  I'm blessed to still have what I have and the support that I do - I feel soooo deeply for those who are going through this without support...I can't imagine - bless you.

Well i'll keep you posted as to how it goes..... and wish you all a pain free and peacefull night of sleep tonight :)