3 weeks to go....and I'm venting

Hey everyone....I've been a little crazy between the program and trying to do what I can for work.  Also, some big things with my little bro as I mentioned last time, he turned 18, graduated - AND proposed to his girlfriend of 3 years a week ago so it's just been nuts!

So I technically have 3 weeks of the program left, although it's not full time anymore because of the limited amount of PT visits I have.  I'm starting to get anxious about life after the program.  I think I looked at it as completely life-changing, which it has been, don't get me wrong - I've learned so much and feel that I've gained the acceptance I've needed....but even doing part-time work today I got scared of going back to my old life.  My relationship's on the rocks, I'm still in a lot of pain on and off (everything is flaring right now - I'm in a CFIDS flare, which led to a fibro flare - mostly the skin pain kind, and now a vulvodynia/vulvar vestibulitis flare, hemerrhoid flare, IBS, migraines, IC like crazy - EVERYTHING!) and the Savella still makes me a little naseous although I DO believe it's helping.

So as far as the Vulvar pain I'm *fingers crossed* getting an epidural in my pudendal nerve to see if that stops the pain.  I still get confused on how all of this myofascial pain works with the trigger points because sometimes I'll use the thera cane and massage and hit a spot on my butt that hurts in my vulva...it's just all so strange....sometimes I feel like this isn't my body. 

Anyway, sorry this more a venting post than a progress report because I'm just so exhausted both physically and mentally and emotionally and know that I'm depressed and it's a little difficult to deal with it all.  We all have those times and I'm still just trying to stay positive.  All that I've learned in the program has really helped me be able to cope and I'll have that with me forever.  The ways to deal with not only chronic pain, but the way people see me, how hard I am on myself, feeling depressed....every aspect of my life.  Sometimes you just need to vent.  If anyone reading this needs to vent feel free to comment or email me....sometimes it just makes you feel so good to get it off your chest.  Just admitting - even if it's on the computer that I know my pain, my relationship problems, my fear of going back to my "old life" and guilt I feel with my family right now - all of it is making me feel really depressed...and I'm ok with that because I know everyone is entitled to a slump...I also know I'll get out of it. Just one of those days....

Wishing all of you as many decreased pain days as possible and you have the right to have a pity party with yourself sometimes - don't feel guilty about it!  Just remember, that there's still so much out there that we can do and pull ourselves out of it..and we will :)